(kitchen sinks, dirty dishes and favorite flavors)
ume carrot salad, a vague recipe
you can make this with carrots only, or by adding red cabbage, or apples, or both at once. the apple bit depends on what's handy, or the mood of the day: a granny smith for tartness, a fuji for some sweet, or a jonagold for some of both.
using a food processor (or an eleven year old and a grater -- tell him it builds character), shred some carrots/cabbage/apples. add a splash of olive oil, a shake of ume plum vinegar, a bit of salt, and fresh squeezed lemon or lime juice -- whatever you have.
toss it all together and that's it! it lasts in the fridge for several days without pickling and the ume is good for the digestion. (it also makes for attractive sinks dregs, like the ones in the middle)
bobo got me a pack of macro lenses, so i tried them the other day. i know i should have used a tripod or at least a stack of books to steady the camera, since that's what you're supposed to do, right? but sometimes i have a hard time being careful and precise, so i just shot away before i got distracted.
the moth was on the sill: mustard-yellow, with it's legs curled up; beautiful even in death. but every time i went to click the shutter, it would come into focus for a second, then snap shut with a blur in one place or another, or all over.
this is how our limbo-life feels right now -- i want to do and see and try so much, but only manage a little bit at a time; i try to take care, but can't truly commit, or immerse myself completely. some days are quiet, quiet, quiet and i don't want to speak a word, and others are filled with chattering anxiety about polar bears and elephants and the man we saw on the street today, homeless and drunk with a beer in one hand, a can of dog food in the other and nothing else.
anyway, the moth on the sill. it's still there, days later, lifeless and lovely all at once. and so it follows that i'm mostly good and also not, all at once -- like you were a week or two ago. it seems that i get especially maudlin when it comes to moths and swimming pools and grandparents as babies. and the london zoo three lifetimes ago.
here's the antidote that i'm imagining right now: that we are on our atoll in the pacific, drinking tequila, bellowing old mexican songs (aaaaaaaaiii aii ai, canta no llores!) and shooting our pistols up into the night sky.
Two places I love with a passion with the knowledge that one day I will be torn between the two and having to decide on one forever.
I have a profound and acute sense of loss today, of time passed and childhood on the brink of ending, of the feelings of such deep love that it makes your heart ache and your head explode and tears flow so freely.
Of friendships and friends that are no longer alive. Good friends whom I miss so much. and should never have died so young. Theres so many things I want to share with them now and thank them for, because I'd have been in a very different place if it wasn't for them.
ps. you know how you said i should be more self-confident? well, i tried and i'm afraid that you're the one who will "benefit" from this little experiment in printing and sewing. ha ha! (yes, that's a nelson ha ha)
a crappily day today -- a faculty member yelled and called me names. but the fireworks from your rooftop cheered me up and made me think of this. 38th birthday cake.
now i'm off to watch project runway and eat frozen yumminess (what do you call it if it's neither ice-cream nor yogurt and is made from letovers? and is sweet and delicious and eaten with a spoon? Left Over Frozen Stuff doesn't quite work...)
thank you for the beautiful diptych, love. i hope things are good today in the austral parts.